I sit in the iron shadow of Saturn. Heavy, dark, menacing. My soul, crushed under the weight of its demands, strains to breathe.
I wrestle with depression. Death hovers nearby. Sadness wrings the marrow from my bones as I eat the bitter fruits of my existence. Right now, I hurt.
But I am alive. My vision also lives still, though dimmed in Saturn’s shadow, seemingly. Seemingly, because beyond my dimmed vision is its burnishing and forming deep within the forge of my soul. Alchemy operates unseen, within, where the true gold shines.
Saturn, in astrology, is the taskmaster, the stern teacher who chastens and corrects. Saturn’s lessons require you to endure and persevere through trials in order to build toward mastery.
Saturn says, “What you did not learn by incentive and opportunity you will learn through test and trial. I will try you with severity and adversity. I will cast you into darkness, into fear and depression, where you must find a way to persevere through the dark night of your soul. And you will if you do not run away from the lessons and the tests you are called to endure; if you are willing to be purged and corrected, you will come through victorious, imbued with greater wisdom, gratitude, grace and power. Endure once and you prosper forever.”
In the 2 months that I have been in Coos Bay, Oregon I have not made a single sale of the business services I offer in spite of constant, consistent effort; I have heard, and been called, ‘nigger’ here more than I have ever heard before, and I’ve lived in places like Boston, eastern Kentucky, Nashville, and southern Missouri (where an 18 year old Black man was hanged from a tree the year before I arrived with my then-wife, Sakalyah); and on top of all this I have not been eating well nor sleeping well and have been consistently sick the past few weeks.
My body feels worn out, and my mind worn down, and yet my spirit is strong, sustaining my breath and life like the sun feeding life-giving light and warmth to our planet. I accept this chastening of emotional affliction as I do the correcting thru my physical ills and discomfort. It all speaks wisdom and love and as a challenging invitation to growth. I welcome Saturn, not for what it does but for what it doesn’t do – it doesn’t lie.
And because Saturn does not lie neither will I. The gods, energetic and consciousness-extensions of The One, are energies, principles, not mere mythical fabrications. They are parts and players in our collective dream and are willing to be swayed, or not, according to our choices. They are part of the spiritual science of soul where all parts meet in confluence for the purpose of advancing the whole of life. They are expressions of a self-aware universe urging itself forward through the eternal dynamic of self-evolving chaos.
And the crucial truth I must remember in this swirl of moving parts is that I am not depressed, I am not sick, I am not worn down – my emotional body is depressed; my physical body is sick; my mind is worn down. I am not.
So I am called to reflect, which is the primary purpose of Saturn’s torment, and to remember….to remember that I am not being afflicted, I am experiencing affliction. The experience matters. What we do with the experience, matters more.
And if Creator, Originator, The One, is ‘love’, then Creator is also ‘fear’; if Creator is life, then Creator is death; if Creator is light, Creator is also darkness; if Creator is unity, Creator is also disunity; and if Creator is The One, Creator is also The All, and None. This, too, I remember under the devouring breath of Saturn.
And when we hold to the idea, the vision, that we are Creator in expression as the individual we are privileged to be, regardless of whatever adversity assails our souls, then will we come to see as Creator sees. And Creator sees as you. And knowing Creator sees as you see is the understanding that vision is a power, the birth and delivery of creation and manifestation.
See separation and discord and we will have separation and discord to experience; see unity and the hidden harmony in all things and events, see The One in All, and we will experience the unity and peace that passes all understanding. We can see the discord without ever losing sight of the unity. Then will we say to this mountain, ‘bow’, and it will bow, for we have will have learned to bow to it.
Are you feeling afflicted in mind or body, or both? Know it is not happening to you, it is happening because of you, because your soul’s desire is to experience the fullness of life on earth – the light, darkness, and shadow of the Human experience – and to fulfill your and Creator’s experience, growth and evolution as Human. You are the cause, not the blame, for Saturn’s visitation.
If you can submit to that premise and play with it in your reflections and contemplation of your life and being, without first seeking to understand it, for that will come via the experience, you will begin to gain mastery of your life by becoming its studious pupil.
But submit you must. Submission calls for a humility – and nothing humbles, and purifies, like submitting to Saturn’s chastening – which will prime your being for what others wish for, and which you can inspire them to achieve by your living example, which is, ultimately, conscious (re) union with The Source of Life, i.e., to live, breathe and express as Christ, as Buddha, as the Atman, the Light, the Word, vrata, as your originating, eternal spark of consciousness. The words, names and labels don’t matter; only the fulfilling of it, by whatever name, does.
Let us learn from the seed. The seed is lowered, buried, into the earth, into the womb of darkness, in order to die to its current, physical construct and thus liberate the life-force contained within. Within the darkness the seed is shaken by explosive forces and germinates, and with the aid of light and water, it emerges as the plant, the tree, and ultimately, the ripe, nourishing fruit of life. Without this humbling, and death, of the seed there can be no fruit. This is a law of planetary life, an active, universal principle.
With understanding and a fluid consciousness that is willing to submit to its lessons and be bent and channeled along the bending, curving banks of experience, circumstance, pain and pleasure, you, we, are well-equipped to learn, grow, and advance ourselves and the whole of life. Flow like water and with all your getting, get understanding.
You are expressions of The One, growing to become masters and rulers of your own soul. Then, having completed your learning as a Human, maybe you will become a planet or a Star or the pure embodiment of The One for others, as that which you will be, indeed, already are.
Saturn, you are one hard-ass, in-your-face teacher. And I thank you….for you are Creator, I now see, in one of infinite disguises. And you want me to understand that one of those is me.