When you are facing difficult challenges in life and walk along the borders of uncertain dreams and hopeless reality you’ve got to be able to draw from the oasis of inspiration and drink as much as you can before the next phase of journeying across the desert of solitary karma. No one who chooses to grow in self-awareness is spared from this process, but very few choose to embark on their healing voyage.

As I walk the avenues of reflection and redemption, being purified by karmic fires, I get my inspiration from –

  • my BEAUTIFUL sons, Solomon and Salvador, for whom I re-build my life, consciousness and being (as well as for myself and for ALL);
  • from Malcolm X who refused to succumb to his imprisonment, instead using the time and solitude to resurrect his mind, soul, and spirit;
  • from Steve Harvey, who lived in his car for 3 years as he worked and hustled to build his career in comedy;
  • from Sylvester Stallone, who stuck to his vision of becoming an actor rather than give in to his ex-wife’s demands that he get a job even as he was being rejected by every acting agent in NYC;
  • from my ex-wife, Sakalyah, who started her road to financial freedom and, most importantly, self-discovery, by selling socks out of the trunk of her car;
  • from Lucretia, my ex-fiance and good friend who is fearless and assertive in her pursuit of her spiritual growth and willing to follow her intuition in spite of contrary appearances;
  • from my nephew, Andrew Torres, whose beautiful being and presence in my life as a child inspired me to seek and pursue my spiritual path and truth;
  • from my nephew, Justin (Andrew’s brother), who, despite early hardships and missteps, is choosing the path of responsibility and self-creation;
  • from my parents, Agustina and Hector, who somehow held it together enough during the insanity and chaos that spread like a virus throughout the South Bronx in the 1970’s;
  • and from Caroline, the beautiful, determined mother of my 2 sons, who had the courage and audacity to leave her home in France to create a new life in the United States in her early 20’s even though she did not speak a word of English.

I also derive not only inspiration but also direction, guidance, faith, and encouragement from the mythical story of Jacob, son of Isaac. Jacob was lazy and dishonest, and a Mama’s boy, who always sought out the shortest cut to the fulfillment of his desires until it got him more trouble than he could handle until he was exiled from home. His end was a glorious life of relative repose but only after he was willing to face himself, his god, and his past and humbly accept his tribulations as just and well-deserved.

This morning I awoke in my car shortly before 4am. I spent time in communication with Creator, my Beloved Spirit and Comforter, feeling deepest gratitude for my life, my current circumstances, and the promise of redemption nesting deep in my soul. This intimacy with Creator inspires me, calms me, settles me, balances me, makes me, graces me and redeems me. It is the source of my power and possibility, my breath, my strength and my very being.

I readied for the day of work ahead of me, building my business here in Redding, CA. I started to help small businesses make money, save money, and find money and so far I have a number of active contracts and a slew of others pending as I continue prospecting for more business. But more than that, Business Funding Express is a steppingstone to myself as business owner and benefactor and toward the fulfillment of Thoughtwear Global and my self-publishing, both of which I’ve shelved for far too long now.

The work and the constant hustle fill my days now and my vision of becoming a creator of opportunities for others and a benefactor to those near and dear to me. The idea of experiencing myself as a benefactor of blessings, and not just a beneficiary, keeps me going. All my life I’ve sought out the blessings of Creator and shared with others from that pool. Now I seek to bless others with the inner assurance that I am blessed as I bless, a subtle but not insignificant shift from the way that seeks first to be blessed before blessing.

And as I drive to and fro in Redding, to my business appointments and to wherever, I keep next to me in the passenger seat a brass crucifix. The man nailed to the cross no longer represents Jesus to me….not in the least. It no longer points to a past event involving an individual that, as I see it today, did not exist. Rather, I keep it as a constant reminder to ‘crucify’ the ego and its insistence on primacy in my life. In my ego I can be selfish, self-centered, arrogant, fearful, negligent, thoughtless, lazy, dishonest, insecure, manipulative, heartless, rash, brash, boastful, impatient, cruel, cold-hearted, and cowardly.

It’s not easy for me to admit these things but I am learning more and more that living in the shadows of fear and ego-consciousness inspires no one. I am learning that spirit-consciousness, or Unity consciousness/Christ consciousness, is for me the highest aspiration I can envision and work towards; and even though I may fall and fail a thousand times I am encouraged by my inspired vision whispered by Spirit of a resurrected consciousness through which and AS which I may see beyond the world of appearances to perceive the ultimate reality wherein all things, seen and unseen, are ONE.



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