Suicide. Just saying the word brings a heavy energy into the room. Hopelessness. Despondency. Death. Finality.
Suicide is a mystery.
It’s a mystery that anyone would choose to end their life. It’s a mystery because we are expressions of life itself, of consciousness, of spirit. In us is the same life-force that never quits living in the animal, in the plant, in the water. The same life-force that compels the trapped mouse to chew off its leg rather than die will somehow, through a unique configuration of thought, emotion, and memory, execute its own death in a human.
This is why suicide among animals is also somewhat of a mystery, breaching whales being one example.
And yet, it’s the animal suicides that give us a vital clue. Suicide among animals is either a response to conditions (such as when the mother deer sacrifices herself to coyotes in order to protect her young) or an expression of an inner urge (such as the ‘suicide genes’ in caterpillars that help create the butterfly), notwithstanding unexplained animal suicides.
In people, when the suicidal urge comes up, is that urge really saying, ‘I want to die‘? I don’t believe so.
I believe this urge is expressing something very different. I believe the suicidal urge is the soul saying, ‘I want to live.’
There are 2 voices saying 2 different things – one voice says, I want this to end (present conditions); and the other voice is saying, I want this to be born (life as it could be).
These voices comprise the soul-voice, a multifaceted complex of inner urges, outer suggestions, memories, dreams, hopes and fears. And the urge that arises as I want to die is accompanied by another that says I want to live. It cannot be otherwise. And that urge to live is just a hair beyond the urge to die when you are on the edge.
Yes, there is something that wants to die. Despondency wants to die. Hopelessness wants to die. Grief, pain, suffering, and remorse all want to die. Let them. Let them die. Let them die so that you can live. Because there is another urge within you that seeks life and more life, living and more living. And some things have to die in order for other things to be born.
Your grief, your pain, and your hopelessness must die in order for your joy, your genius, and your purpose to be born. When you are fully, honestly self-expressed there will be no trace of any desire to die nor any consideration of it, but rather a fierce living that seeks more life for all, starting with you. And we, all of us, need YOU to live, to triumph, and to share so that we can be inspired to live and love and celebrate and serve.
You are not in this alone. Many share your pains and hopes. And many are ready to lend a healing hand if you would just reach out. Reach out for help and healing and you might be surprised to discover that others faced difficulties, and worse, and triumphed. And then you can be there to help heal another who will face their own difficulties.
When you are alive, we are alive. What you make possible for yourself you make possible for others. When you triumph, we all triumph.
When we examine our lives deeply, probing beneath the surface of what we think, feel, and experience, we will achieve insights that help us to understand things that once seemed mysterious. Then such things as suicidal urges can be placed in their proper context so that our choices and resulting life-conditions remain in accord with an advancing life of understanding, purpose and increasing wisdom.