Hillary Rettig shared something with me about HealingVoyage.com during our last mentoring session that jolted me back to awareness. My blog (of which she read only a few posts on the opening page) was kind of dry and too impersonal. She also said to stop the poems – nobody wants to read poetry, she said. I admit that most of my poems probably suck, but still, I like them! I couldn’t agree outright, but neither did I disagree. I just listened with mind open and mouth closed.
Then I looked back at the history of HealingVoyage.com and noticed that my old posts, back in ’05, ’06, ’07 were more personal, more revealing of my self and my world. They had more spirit, more life.
Somewhere along the way I lost connection with that in my blog. Even to me the posts became boring, distant, didactic. I was choking myself in life, from the years 2007 to 2009; not enjoying but rather resenting my circumstances, my relationship (at that time), my self!
I was not being me in certain crucial areas and my writing, what little I produced, reflected the dying as it always has been an extension of what I am feeling and experiencing. And it was a dying without death – the worst kind of dying! Interminable, tortuous, without resolution, without courage……and thus, it could not be followed by a new beginning. This, to me, is living without spirit!
So then, Hillary Rettig, whom I met at a 2-day workshop she masterfully taught in Providence, RI, is now my mentor and after only a couple of sessions I am regaining clarity, and breathing (sometimes coughing) the sweetness of my once-languishing, inner scribe.